7 Years Together

we spent our anniversary at houston's, of course, and it was delicious as always. we exchanged cards and tyler brought home flowers. it was a fun night, just the two of us.

seven years has flown by and it truly has been a beautiful life. i was thinking about it recently, pondering about how fun this life has been and my heart just felt so happy. i am so blessed to have a partner that i enjoy spending time with. tyler truly is my best friend and i love him more than words can express.

life for us has been challenging at times, but we always manage to endure and become stronger. for that i am infinitely grateful. i love you tyler! thank you for making me so happy and for being my person. i can't imagine life without you by my side.

shaw's cove

this past weekend we had a surprise package arrive at our house. our three favorite clausen's came to visit all the way from rexburg! they are just the best and we are SO sad that they're gone. but hopefully, they'll be back real soon. it was a short stay, just three days, but their presence was so needed. little brylee is so full of spunk and energy and none of us can get enough of her. her parents are pretty awesome too, super funny and loving. i really can't put into words how much i love these people.
during their stay we went down to the tide pools in laguna. it was a beautiful day and we all had a lot of fun. it was so nice to be down by the ocean and smell the salty air. it's just the best. over the weekend we also had fun bird watching, bubble blowing, hot tubbing, milkshake drinking, snuggling, laughing, flower picking and doggie petting.

thanks so much for a great weekend clausen family! come home soon!

check out that 25 week bump! wowza! 

the morning they left, as soon as i laid eyes on that sleeping baby turned toddler, tears just started to fall out of my eyes. i guess i could blame in on the pregnancy hormones, but really, i just love this little family so much and my heart aches every time they leave to go back to school. i picked up brylee and started to carry her downstairs to the car... that was when i really lost it. sobbing. straight sobbing. all of a sudden brylee took her sleepy head off of my shoulder and looked me in the eyes and said "you sad?" in her sweet sweet voice and i responded, "yes, I'm going to miss you!". as we walked down the stairs she grabbed onto my neck and said softly "it's okay". just remembering the ordeal makes me well up. this little girl is definitely heaven sent. she is so sweet and kind and loving and her parents have taught her well. i hugged morgan and kimberly and watched them drive away. ugh. my. heart. hurts.
hopefully someday, i wont have to say goodbye for months at a time ever again. one can only hope.

valentine's day

we had such a nice valentine's day. to start off the day, tyler surprised me with a beautiful arrangement done by his lovely sister, julia and valentines donuts! next we headed to the doctor's office to have an ultrasound. we found out that the placenta moved out of the way of the cervix, so no more previa! yay! the baby is about 1.5 lbs and developing perfectly. such great news! next we went to a matinee, had a lovely dinner and relaxed. since things have been really busy, it was especially nice to spend the entire day together!!!

happiness and gratitude in 2014

 2014 is a new year with new challenges and new excitement. i never really got around to setting new years resolutions this year, i feel like i always kind of lose the momentum with those. but, i am continually trying to improve and become a better me. mostly, i just want to be happy and help those around me to be happy. you know, leave the place better than the way you found it. i'm working on it.

quite often, i find myself in review of my life. it's like as of late, i have had this inclination to look back on the history of my marriage and think about all the ups and downs. and usually, i just end up feeling really grateful for all the amazing memories we have made together and the even more amazing people we have gotten to know. you know that feeling where you just feel an immense burst of gratitude in your heart for everything Heavenly Father has blessed you with? i have been feeling that more frequently these days. maybe it's because i know that soon, everything will be different and it wont just be tyler and i anymore. but maybe, it's because of this little miracle swirling around in my torso that i am able to realize all this.

now, this is not to say that life is perfect. we still have our bad days, but i feel closer to my husband than ever before. i feel his love for me in most everything he does and i hope he feels the same about me... even though i take up a lot more room on the bed with my side sleeping and pillow snuggling.

i just feel really happy and extremely grateful for the life i am living. for the people who love us. for the support and love we feel from Heaven as well as those here on earth. i just feel the blessings and i know it is because of my Heavenly Father. i know he sends certain people into our lives to lift us up. i know there are certain talks or conversations i was meant to hear. i know that hard work brings reward and it doesn't always happen right away. i know that while trudging through the muck it is SO hard to see the goodness, the light, the happiness. but i also know that the struggles we face are for our good, that we become stronger, happier, better people because of them. and when the struggle is over, and we stand on top of the mountain we just had to climb and look at the amazing view on the other side, we can be overcome with happiness and gratitude for the blessings that lie ahead.

that's kind of how i feel. there were things i needed to experience to prepare me for the view i am looking at now. would i trade the struggle i've experienced for the beauty and splendor i am looking at right now?

never. ever. EVER.

every time tyler gets a good grade on an exam. every time i feel my baby kick me. when i spend time with loved ones. when i smell the beautiful clean air after the rain. when i feel the Spirit testifying to me. when i imagine the day that we will meet our son. i wouldn't trade anything to rewind time and not face the struggles i did this past year. i learned so much. i would never want to take that away. i was blind, but now i see.

so, if you are setting out on what seems like a long road of mud and muck, just remember that the view from the other side is miraculous and so completely worth it. even though it doesn't seem so now, it is. i promise it is worth it.

so here's to a year filled with happiness and gratitude, for me and for others.

p.s. tyler felt the baby kick last week for the first time. it was pure magic...
tell me that's not worth it?

22 week bump

on my heart: some thoughts about parenting

just a few more days until i head to utah and then rexburg to visit family and friends. i am super excited to see this cutie and my nephews! this is a photo of her when she turned two back in august. that girl is so spunky and hilarious. don't get me wrong, i love my nieces and nephews on the rex side, but there is some sort of connection that i have with brylee that i just don't know how to describe. i think it was because kimberly and i became so close while she was pregnant or maybe because i was able to photograph her birth story and feel the tangible love fill the room when she was born. it was as if heaven existed in the room, for just a moment.

sometimes i think about becoming a mother and i feel an overwhelming joy and peace come over me. other times i feel a bit nervous for the future of carrying a child to term, staying healthy and delivering a healthy baby, raising a family and providing for them temporally and spiritually. there is so much that goes into being a parent and sometimes that scares me. but then i think about brylee. i think about the day she was born, how we all waited for her and prayed for her to be healthy and strong when she came to earth. i think about embracing my brother in law as we both cried in awe of how perfect she was. it was love at first sight. we knew she was special as soon as we saw her. i didn't know that i would feel so attached to her, but i did. i would visit her and my sister all the time. it was so fun to watch my sister and her husband become parents and to help them when brylee came.

since that day 2 years ago i have grown to love brylee even more. she has taught me so much about love. i love her so much that i could just play with her all day. hearing her call my name "eh-my" through the house just melts my heart. i never knew that could happen, to feel this crazy overwhelming love for another human being just because they say your name. i love that girl so much i would change her poopy diapers over and over and over again. watching her giggle, smile and learn is so rewarding and as an aunt i just get a tiny piece of it. seeing what i see and feeling the love i do, i can't even imagine how it feels as a parent. it must feel like you could burst at any moment.

but things about caring for a child aren't often very glamorous. sometimes i see these mommy bloggers and think that they make things seems so perfect all the time. parents and children dressed like they stepped out of a gap commercial, their nurseries decorated like a catalog and their husbands supportive and happy all the time. but that isn't reality! life it tough sometimes. with the sweet comes the bitter. sometimes there are blow out diapers and puke stains that come with the beautiful moments in life. but i wouldn't trade a poopy diaper if it meant one less smile or laugh. i wouldn't trade a whine or a tantrum for the sound of my name echoing through the hallways.

i know i have such a small glimpse of what it is to care for a child. my body has never given birth to, breastfed or watched over a child. but i know what i know and from my view the sacrifices, whether they be fashion, body fat percentage, money, time or sleep in no way amount to the joys of becoming a parent. so when you are nervous about being a first, second or fourth time mother, just remember that heaven that you feel when a baby is born. remember how your heart feels like it's going to burst when that baby says your name. remember how your world seems right somehow when those chubby hands wrap their hands around your neck.

for me, when the time comes, i will do my best to remember that no matter how many hard moments there are... all the precious ones are worth it.

they are all worth it. 

5 christmas trees

this year marks our 5th christmas tree as a married couple! i can hardly believe that it has been that long. sometimes i wonder where the time went or why we haven't accomplished more, but 5 christmas trees and a lot of love later, we are still here. going strong.

i could get caught up in shoulda woulda coulda, but what good would that do? instead i am choosing to focus on how far we have come. getting married in a time where the world puts little focus on marriage and family.  putting ourselves through college and finishing successfully. building up our savings. learning more about each other and how to be better spouses. traveling together. setting goals and accomplishing (most of) them.

5 years ago (come january) i married the man of my dreams. the type of man i had always wanted to marry. seriously. he. is. it. and i can't even begin to tell you how much i love that man. life without him would be so empty. so strange. so terrible. 

it's no secret that this last year has been rough for us. it's been a "why aren't things turning out better when we are trying SO hard" sort of time for us. but i wouldn't want anyone else by my side helping me through it all... i hope he feels the same about me. and i know that someday we will look back on this time in our lives and wonder why we were so worried. i know that we will be stronger and more faithful because of the trials we face. i am so happy that i have that knowledge and that i have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. we would be lost without it! 

here's to another 5 years that are even happier than the last!

things i love: feeling full

last night i went here. last night while mr. rex played basketball i could have sat around and watched television for 2 hours. i could have cleaned my house. i could have filed paperwork that really needs to be filed. i could have browsed pinterest for hours. but i chose differently. 

i chose to go to the temple. to the house of the Lord. 

for those of you not familiar with the mormon faith, the temple is where we go to make sacred covenants and to be married or sealed together as families for time and all eternity. this is the building where i was married to my sweetheart. this is the place where i knelt across an alter in a beautiful room surrounded by our dearest family and friends. this is the place where my forever with tyler started. where i go for peace. where i feel like i belong. where i never feel less than or overlooked. where i never feel scared or worried. where i don't look at my phone. where i sit. where i ponder. where i pray. 

where i feel the love of my Father and his Son. 

where last night, i couldn't hold back the tears. i felt an overwhelming love and a peace flow over my body. that He knows me. that He loves me. that everything i have and will be faced with is for my good, because i am strong enough to handle it. 

it's no secret that life is a tough journey. it's not surprising to me that i have faced challenges over the last year. it's upsetting, but not surprising. what does make me wonder is how anyone could survive without the presence of God in their lives. the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the means by which i survive. it is the reason my heart is so full, even when life seems to be such a mess.

for those of you who do not believe or who have chosen to distance yourselves from God - i don't mean to be offensive, but i do mean to be frank. religion seems to be a topic people avoid these days. like it's bad or unpopular or closed minded to believe in something. but when chaos is everywhere around you, how can you not believe? i'm telling you from my heart, my very full and bruised and happy heart, that 

God loves you and Jesus Christ died that you and i might live. 

because of that, we can live forever! we can be happy amidst the trials in our lives that will surely come to each of us!

 

there is no association, no accomplishment, no job, no certificate of achievement that can bring greater joy and sense of comfort in life than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. i know it because i have lived it. i know it because i have, at times, distanced myself from His presence. i have tried to figure things out on my own. but that just doesn't work. i need Him. i need His light guiding my path. my sometimes windy, rocky, slippery path. 

if you feel lost. if you feel scared. if you feel worried. He can help. He can bring peace. 

how grateful i am that i know that to be true. how grateful i am for His Holy Temples and that i can go there if i but remain worthy to be in His presence. how grateful i am for the quiet wisperings of the spirit that prompted me to go to that wonderfully peaceful and sacred place last night. even now, thinking of my experience there inside those sacred walls, i feel so happy and i feel so full. my words cannot accurately describe the magnitude of my joy.

life is hard for all of us, i hope i can remember the love i felt last night and try a little harder to feel it more often by being where i know i need to be. so that no matter where i am i can have his guidance in my life.

if you want to learn more click here.

things i love: saying yes

five years ago today i was standing on the beach while tyler proposed to me. 

it was one of the best days of my life. 

lucky for us, he had a family friend snap some photos of us so we can always remember. 

i love my diamond ring, but i love what it represents much more. 

tyler, 

i will love you for eternity.

i can't wait to see what the future holds for us. 

i can't imagine what life would be like without you in it. 

you are my happy place. 

thank you for loving me. 

thank you for asking me to marry you. 

25 years 25 things

as my 25th birthday approached i've thought a lot about my life and things i have accomplished in my 25 years of living. i decided to compile a list of 25 things to share, in no particular order of importance.

1. i chose to be baptized at the age of 8
2. got my driver's license
3. ran on the 5 freeway with shira
4. graduated high school
5. bought my first car
6. found the wedding dress
7.  had a last first kiss
8. gained a sure testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ
9. received my temple recommend
10. graduated college with honors
11. fell in love
12. moved to byu idaho for a week
13. pursued (and still pursuing) my love of photography
14. got married in the newport beach california temple
15. read the book of mormon
16. became a wife & homemaker
17. completed two half marathons
18. witnessed a birth
19. i was a maid of honor... twice
20. moved out of my parents house and in with my hubby
21. went on my honeymoon
22. went to hawaii... twice
23. became an aunt
24. got my first job
25. fell in love with tyler over and over again

i feel very blessed to have had such a wonderful life. it's not perfect, its not easy, but it is my life and it is beautiful... a fact that i have overlooked as of late. i'm sure there are noteworthy things that i could add to this list. maybe there are things that i will do in the future that will make some of the items on this list seem forgettable or minute. there is one thing that i would say is my greatest accomplishment. the most amazing thing that i have ever done. the most life changing experience. the most challenging, the most miraculous, the most rewarding. 

falling in love with and marrying tyler brady rex is the best thing i could have ever done. life is tough. things don't turn out the way you plan. you lose. you win. you laugh. you cry. you fall. you get back up, hopefully stronger and smarter than before. what a blessing it is to experience this life with tyler by my side. with his hand in mine life just makes sense. life just feels right. i look at our life together, the moments that make up these past six years that we have loved each other, and i feel blissfully happy. 

having low points in life is normal. rough patches happen as we make our way through this life on earth. with my sure testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and my sweetheart by my side i know i can overcome anything. the beauty is, i am never alone. i don't even remember life before tyler. life before snuggle time. life before dancing in the living room. life before our king size bed. life before his kisses. life before his precious cheeks. life before his soft hands that hold mine as we pray together. life before the desire to have evidence of our love manifested in the life of a child. life before i was his forever and always.

thank you tyler for loving me. for making me the happiest i have ever been. for giving me your love. for blessing me with your dear heart. 

date night: where it all began

 

 on friday my little sweetheart planned a little date night for just us. we go out just the two of us quite often, but the planning usually goes a little something like this...

him: "hey, so, where do you want to eat?"

her: "i don't know, where do you want to eat?"

him: "um... the usual places. you know what i like."

her: "okay let's go to ....(insert restaurant name here)"

so i guess those are still considered date nights, but i have to admit there is something much more exciting about a date that someone plans for you. i worried a little more about what i wore, gave him extra kisses and just relished in those moments together. 

he is really a great man & it was a great night. 

dinner at the crab cooker, sunset boat cruise and balboa bars. mmmm. so good. so, so good. 

balboa is a happy place for me. i used to go there as a kid with my family & i've made some great memories there with tyler also. which brings me to the photo below...

 

now, you may wonder what i was trying to capture when i snapped this photo. i'm not even really sure what it is. an electrical or plumbing box maybe? i don't really know nor do i care, to me it's the place where our love started. we were on a big group date in june 2006. my date bailed and tyler's date ignored him most of the night. we sat there and chatted for what seemed like hours. later that week he asked me out to the dodger game. we became friends over the coming months and then in october he asked me out again. a couple weeks later we kissed, a couple weeks after that he told me he loved me & the rest is history.

my how things may have turned out differently if his date paid more attention to him & if my date was actually present. i'm glad it was him. i can't imagine myself with anyone else. 

balboa fun zone... you will always have a special place in this girl's heart.