rockwell's blessing day

rockwell was given a name and a blessing in our ward on sunday, august 3, 2014. it was such a perfect day. he slept well the night before so we all got a good night sleep and i made all the food the day before so that i wouldn't be stressed out. i also made sure i pumped a bottle so that i wouldn't have to leave the meeting if he got hungry and set out my clothes the night before so that i could get ready quickly.

i fed him just before we left for church so he ended up being super calm and happy during the blessing and then fell asleep in my arms as soon as tyler was done with the blessing. tyler did a great job giving him a beautiful blessing. it was a very happy experience for our little family.

we were blessed to have a lot of family come and support us, it was so wonderful. afterwards we had dinner with our immediate family. rockwell was held and happy all day. he was SO good. we were all so happy about it. i've been dreaming about the day we would bless our first baby for so long and i can hardly believe that it has already come and gone.

rockwell is such a good boy and we are so happy to have him in our family. he makes us smile everyday and keeps us on our toes and we love it!

here is a note i wrote in my phone the morning of his blessing...

Rockwell, 

Today is your blessing day. Its 6:04 am and you're eating. I'm just thinking about you. What pictures were going to take, how you'll be during your blessing and how much i love you. I'm thinking about how you'll wear the same blanket i did when i was blessed 27 years ago. Thinking about how grandpa Larry is in the hospital so he won't be able to come. Thinking about how i had a dream that he and grandma surprised us and came to the church. Thinking about how time flies and how i want to vividly remember you at this very moment as you hum while you eat and hold onto me with your clammy little hands. Thinking about how i want to remember how your belly hangs over your diaper like a muffin top because you have a big thick wide torso like your dad and papa rex. Thinking about how you smile as your falling asleep or how you rolled over at the age of 6 weeks. I'm thinking about how many people love you, love us and would do anything for us. I'm thinking about your dad, who loves you so perfectly and has wanted you since i can remember. Tears run down my face. Today he will will use the priesthood & give you a name and a blessing and some special men will stand around you. I know that Heavenly Father and the Savior love you and that the spirit will be there. Rockwell i love you. I love your perfect little face, your cheeks, your little button nose and your spunky smile! Oh and i even love it when you snore! You are my sweet son and i prayed for you for so long. Thank you for coming to our family and into my arms. You are an answer to my prayers and i am so happy to be your mama!

it's been a while

after a 3 month hiatus i feel the sudden urge to return to this blog. return to this place where i have shared so much. the one place i can record my joys, my pains, my adventures, my struggles. this year has been a doozy. i feel like every time i start to make progress life decides to knock me down again. so much has happened the past few months. so many things weigh heavenly on my heart. so many things.

after much thought, in june, tyler and i decided to move back to california.

we prayed and fasted and realized what we wanted our future to be and where we wanted to be. while he could enjoy living away from family, friends and familiarity permanently, i wasn't comfortable with it long term. he also wanted to do what he was passionate about for a living. he wanted to make a difference in people's lives. we decided to move back to california, live with my parents and save money for a home while tyler attended school. he is getting his masters in education and a teaching credential. he will teach high school and also coach, something i always knew he would be wonderful at. we made plans, talked and talked. prayed and prayed. everything fell into place for us to move back. i found a job, we found renters to take over our lease just days before we left las vegas. and numerous other blessings along the way. it was undeniable. God led us down the path that we were meant to be upon. i knew it and so did He.

since being back, things have been great in a lot of ways. we are getting along with my family. this is huge. living in the same house as my family was not always easy for me growing up. granted, i am not sharing my room with 2 sisters anymore. we love living where we live. we have hiking trails close by, our ward is great and we have our family and friends close. it has been good in so many ways. it has also been hard in some ways. finding a balance between time with tyler and time with our family is tricky sometimes, but we are getting the hang of it. dealing with different ways of doing things around the house. sharing a bathroom with not just tyler, but also my 18 year old brother.

the toughest thing is that my anxiety came back when i started my job. worse than it has in a long time. i made the decision to leave the job and focus on my health and decide what i really wanted. it was hard for me to leave a job that provided great benefits and good pay, but it wasn't right for me anymore. there were many things about the company that were positive, but at the end of the day the job i would be doing everyday was just not for me. since then, things have been tough for us. me working and saving money was a large part of our plan for the next year. why, if this was the right plan for us, was it not working out the way it was supposed to?

i'm still trying to figure it out. i am making positive changes in my life and i feel such a difference. everyday i pray and study and seek guidance. the temple has been a great blessing for me. i have been trying to go every week and have received peace and comfort as i serve there. i have also received great strength from attending my sunday meetings and talking with my leaders. my anxiety has nearly disappeared. occasionally i will get small rush of worry, but it never lasts long. i know it is cliche, but i believe with all of my heart and soul, without the gospel of Jesus Christ i would be truly lost. even though i have a lot of questions that have yet to be answered, i know that i am loved. i know that i have a Father in Heaven who loves me and hears me. someone is listening when i pray. i know it.

i read an article from the Ensign tonight. it said "many of life's most important lessons are learned from the trials and challenges we experience." although the challenges we all face may be hard to swallow, knowing that we are learning important lessons brings me great comfort. i know that Heavenly Father wants me to grow, to change, to become better than i was before.

i think about my miscarriage nearly every day. i think about it when my friends and family announce their pregnancies. i think about it when i see a family together. i think about it when i see a pregnant woman almost anywhere i go. i think about it when i hold a sweet child in my arms, hear them laugh or make a new discovery. never before have i known the sorrow that i have felt over the past couple months. never before have i wanted a family more than i do at this moment. i yearn for it. i want nothing more. i didn't know that it could be so difficult. i didn't know why things were happening the way they were. why hasn't my life turned out the way i always dreamed it would when i want what's right? then i read the following words...

President Thomas S. Monson has taught: “At times there appears to be no light at the tunnel’s end—no dawn to break the night’s darkness. We feel surrounded by the pain of broken hearts, the disappointment of shattered dreams, and the despair of vanished hopes. … If you find yourself in such a situation, I plead with you to turn to our Heavenly Father in faith. He will lift you and guide you. He will not always take your afflictions from you, but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.”

He is with me through this storm of my life, just like He has been all along. He not only shares in my joys, but He shares in my sorrows. i am never alone. i am never forsaken. my Father and His Son are always by my side. they lead me to where i need to be. i may not understand why sorrowful experiences happen to me or the people i love, but i know this - we are never alone. we will overcome all things through Christ. i know it. i love it. sometimes, it is the only thing that keeps me going.

mormon helping hands

i saw this over here and decided to share it. it made me cry. it made me happy. it made me realize that i have so much to be thankful for. i am so blessed to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

i know who i am

i just watched this and cried. i felt empowered. i felt inspired. i felt love. i felt happy. i felt safe. i felt the Spirit of the Lord testify of it's truthfulness. i hope you'll watch it too.

things i love: feeling full

last night i went here. last night while mr. rex played basketball i could have sat around and watched television for 2 hours. i could have cleaned my house. i could have filed paperwork that really needs to be filed. i could have browsed pinterest for hours. but i chose differently. 

i chose to go to the temple. to the house of the Lord. 

for those of you not familiar with the mormon faith, the temple is where we go to make sacred covenants and to be married or sealed together as families for time and all eternity. this is the building where i was married to my sweetheart. this is the place where i knelt across an alter in a beautiful room surrounded by our dearest family and friends. this is the place where my forever with tyler started. where i go for peace. where i feel like i belong. where i never feel less than or overlooked. where i never feel scared or worried. where i don't look at my phone. where i sit. where i ponder. where i pray. 

where i feel the love of my Father and his Son. 

where last night, i couldn't hold back the tears. i felt an overwhelming love and a peace flow over my body. that He knows me. that He loves me. that everything i have and will be faced with is for my good, because i am strong enough to handle it. 

it's no secret that life is a tough journey. it's not surprising to me that i have faced challenges over the last year. it's upsetting, but not surprising. what does make me wonder is how anyone could survive without the presence of God in their lives. the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the means by which i survive. it is the reason my heart is so full, even when life seems to be such a mess.

for those of you who do not believe or who have chosen to distance yourselves from God - i don't mean to be offensive, but i do mean to be frank. religion seems to be a topic people avoid these days. like it's bad or unpopular or closed minded to believe in something. but when chaos is everywhere around you, how can you not believe? i'm telling you from my heart, my very full and bruised and happy heart, that 

God loves you and Jesus Christ died that you and i might live. 

because of that, we can live forever! we can be happy amidst the trials in our lives that will surely come to each of us!

 

there is no association, no accomplishment, no job, no certificate of achievement that can bring greater joy and sense of comfort in life than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. i know it because i have lived it. i know it because i have, at times, distanced myself from His presence. i have tried to figure things out on my own. but that just doesn't work. i need Him. i need His light guiding my path. my sometimes windy, rocky, slippery path. 

if you feel lost. if you feel scared. if you feel worried. He can help. He can bring peace. 

how grateful i am that i know that to be true. how grateful i am for His Holy Temples and that i can go there if i but remain worthy to be in His presence. how grateful i am for the quiet wisperings of the spirit that prompted me to go to that wonderfully peaceful and sacred place last night. even now, thinking of my experience there inside those sacred walls, i feel so happy and i feel so full. my words cannot accurately describe the magnitude of my joy.

life is hard for all of us, i hope i can remember the love i felt last night and try a little harder to feel it more often by being where i know i need to be. so that no matter where i am i can have his guidance in my life.

if you want to learn more click here.

the religious test

i saw this here and loved it. i thought you might like it too. maybe you aren't a mormon, but i am. i am very interested to see how this all turns out, the presidential election and all. in my opinion it would be a shame if someones religious beliefs kept them from their goal. no matter what that goal is. that is after all, what america is all about. freedom. freedom to worship as we choose. i for one am very grateful for that privilege and i am also grateful to be a mormon.



i also really enjoyed ann romney's speech and nearly cried many times throughout. i sincerely hope that mitt gets elected and that he will bring a much needed change to our country. i'm definitely not claiming to be an expert in politics. in fact, i quite regularly avoid the subject at all costs. i don't like debating with friends and family about things that i feel i have little power over. but i sure do believe that we could use a new outlook and a fresh set of values. this really is a wonderful country, but i feel like we have lost sight of things the last few years. it's time to get back on track.

okay, i'm done being all political now. have a nice day.