Wednesday, December 19, 2012

my heavy heart

today i have many things that weigh heavy on my heart.

sometimes something happens and it makes you stop dead in your tracks. sometimes life lets you down, or maybe it lets someone you love down. the many tragedies that happened last week. the phone call from a friend that made my heart fall into my stomach and wish there was a way i could take all the bad stuff away. the risk of my father's business having to close it's doors because of an ex-partner with a vendetta. these things are real. they come without warning. without a plan. you never see them coming. but what do you do to recover?

i'm still trying to figure that out.

it's hard to know that someone is suffering and that you can't take it away. all you can do is pray. hope. and love them through their trial. all the while trying not to be angry at the cause of it all. it's all out of our control anyway. which seems like a good thing and a bad thing all at the same time. but suffer we must, that is what makes us stronger. and somehow, when it seems like all is lost and you are the weakest you have ever been, you can feel the love of God more than ever before. life is funny like that. without sorrow, we would not know the sweet feeling of joy. we are broken down and given the opportunity to build ourselves back up again. but hopefully this time, we are better than we were before.

this morning as i put in that mixed cd, i had no recollection of what songs i had compiled all those years ago. i'm just so glad that it was tom petty that came through my speakers. as soon as i heard the strum of that guitar i was off in another place. i wasn't on my way to work. i was thinking about a very special friend of mine and her family. thinking about how much i love her and how grateful i am for her in my life. wishing i had a magic wand & could make people, heartaches or ailments disappear.

 thinking about how much i'd like to leave the cares of this world for a while.

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