things i love: change

stephanie nielson & her lovely family

since general conference i have been thinking a lot about how i want to be. the type of person i wish i was. the type of life i want to have. the type of family i want to raise. the kind of home i want to live in. the kind of memories i want to make. how i want others to see me. how i want to act toward others. how i want to be a better spouse for tyler.
i'm currently reading heaven is here and loving it even more than i dreamed i would. words cannot accurately describe the change that has taken place in my heart as i have read each beautifully written page. i literally cannot put into words the changes i want to make or why. it is as though there is an inherent love, adoration and appreciation that stephanie has for her family that stirs something in me. it makes me realize just how great life can be if you make it that way.
in her book she mentions the talk by julie b. beck from conference in 2007,  mothers who know . i decided to read it because i didn't remember it. i was probably not really paying attention to it at the time, being unmarried and far from the thought of having children anytime soon. but this time, as i read, i really grasped the weight of what she was talking about. the importance of being a mother and raising righteous children in the gospel. raising the kind of children i would want to be around. raising a child that i would want to be if i could start all over with all the knowledge i have now.
the importance of molding and nurturing a child into a person in society is a heavy load. that personal revelation was such a blessing to me. it helped me remember to be grateful for the ability to learn. the ability to learn these things now to stretch myself, so i can better prepare for motherhood.  i am grateful to the women who have influenced me for good. i know that i need to make changes to be the person i want to be, to be the mother i want to be. it will be a process, but i know that Heavenly Father wants me to want to be better. He can help me. i already feel him leading me down the path that i need to be on. i will mess up, but i can't give up because now i know the type of woman i want to be. the type of mother i want to be.
no matter how hard life gets, how tempted i am to give up, i am going to be a mother who knows.
i have to be a mother who knows.