I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I completely despise what I see. I think: I should be thinner, I should be prettier, my hair should fall differently, I should have better style, I should have a cooler job, a more gas efficient car, a bigger more stylish apartment. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be satisfied and then I get mad at myself for not being more grateful. Maybe this is just a phase?
I feel like in general I live a good life and I'm usually pretty positive, but I feel like over the past couple months I have been having spurts of ingratitude and dissatisfaction. I suppose I don't do anything very exciting, but I am a good person I have great friends & family, a great husband, I'm smart and I have health and strength to accomplish most things that are required of me. So what the heck is wrong with me? It's almost as if I stop to be silent for too long I conjure up all these negative thoughts until they are more dominant than the happy thoughts. That's when I look in the mirror and can see nothing but impossible hideousness.
When pondering on this topic I thought of this from You've Got Mail:
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."
Maybe I need to be more brave. Maybe I should do something crazy and out of my comfort zone. Maybe I need to stop complaining about the wrong things and try to see the right things. Maybe I need to suck it up and remember the small things that make life satisfactory. Life is good. The sun is shining (in February). I am alive and well. Everyday I get to cuddle with a sweet man who loves me. We can afford to pay all our bills and still go on dates. I just ate some blissfully sweet strawberries.
Life. Is. Good.