Monday, February 7, 2011

sometimes I feel blue

I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem, but sometimes I look in the mirror and I completely despise what I see. I think: I should be thinner, I should be prettier, my hair should fall differently, I should have better style, I should have a cooler job, a more gas efficient car, a bigger more stylish apartment. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be satisfied and then I get mad at myself for not being more grateful. Maybe this is just a phase?
I feel like in general I live a good life and I'm usually pretty positive, but I feel like over the past couple months I have been having spurts of ingratitude and dissatisfaction. I suppose I don't do anything very exciting, but I am a good person I have great friends & family, a great husband, I'm smart and I have health and strength to accomplish most things that are required of me. So what the heck is wrong with me? It's almost as if I stop to be silent for too long I conjure up all these negative thoughts until they are more dominant than the happy thoughts. That's when I look in the mirror and can see nothing but impossible hideousness.

When pondering on this topic I thought of this from You've Got Mail:

"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void."

Maybe I need to be more brave. Maybe I should do something crazy and out of my comfort zone. Maybe I need to stop complaining about the wrong things and try to see the right things. Maybe I need to suck it up and remember the small things that make life satisfactory. Life is good. The sun is shining (in February). I am alive and well. Everyday I get to cuddle with a sweet man who loves me. We can afford to pay all our bills and still go on dates. I just ate some blissfully sweet strawberries.

Life. Is. Good.


Janica said...

I was having those same thoughts today. Yesterday Kazia taught a lesson on attitude and Kim Remington said something great. Something along the lines of Remember that Heavenly Father is the father of Happiness and Satan is the father of misery. Who is your father? Who do you want to have a better relationship with? There is nothing wrong with you, you are human and I have those same thoughts. Except mine now are "why did I ever complain when I didn't have kids? I had an awesome body and more energy and more time to do fun things" but you are right in saying you have so many blessings so just write them down in a journal and maybe your perspective will change. Otherwise, we all have those feelings, and it's just a good time for some chocolate and some mind numbing TV. :)

Kelly and Nate Wright said...

Oh gosh I can totally relate! Except it takes Nate to say to me "You've been kind of negative lately". And then I usually get mad before I realize he is right. And I'll have to say, be glad you live in sunny California. Those thoughts seem to come more often to me during the winter's. I've actually been thinking about this and our YW lesson was sort of on this topic and basically the people who are all happy and jolly all the time usually say that they have to work on it every day to stay positive and all that jazz. I wish that came a little easier in my times of slumps!

Laura said...

I have those moments too! For me there are two helpful ways out. 1. serve someone. 2. think of what time of the month it is and usually realize that I'm hormonal. Knowing that makes it much easuer to deal.

Precia said...

Wow you too? It always makes me feel better that someone as cute and fun as you has the same issues as me?! I always play the "I'll be happy when..." game. I just have to catch myself and stop, and laugh about how silly I am.

Amy Rex said...

Ladies... you are amazing. Thanks for all the kind thoughts.

You gals make me smile. :)

Shelley said...

Oh gosh, I totally understand how you feel! Sometimes it's hard to remember to stop and "smell the roses" when we constantly want, want, want. Ya know? But keep trying to think positively! It's hard sometimes, but I find that if you are constantly striving to think about the things you DO have, the rest falls away.