five months later

on the evening of september 25th i took a pregnancy test. i looked at the time and began to wait those long 3 minutes. i was scared. i know what i wanted to see on that little stick, but i didn't know if it was in the cards. was it the right time for us? did Heavenly Father trust me to be a mother? there are so many things we don't have figured out. i wanted it SO bad. i felt like it was going to happen, but i was terrified to look. then i looked. it was positive. tears streamed from my eyes as i fell to my knees to pray. i thanked Him over and over for this blessing that i had prayed so hard for. i was in shock. i was so happy. i sat on the bathroom floor and cried tears of joy. i will never forget those precious moments where i felt so close to heaven. the moments that i shared with my Heavenly Father. He let me know that He heard me, that He trusted me, that He believed in me.

it was 5 months to the day of taking my last pregnancy test on april 25th.

i've tried to keep a record of my experiences this far with being pregnant. here are a few thoughts i have been jotting down...

week 7-8:
keeping it a secret has been really hard. at about 5 weeks i started feeling super nauseous. luckily i haven't vomited yet and i am hoping to keep it that way. feeling sick all day long makes it pretty hard to pretend like i am completely fine. i feel super bloated already. most of my pants stopped fitting around week 7. i'm constipated. i never feel like getting dressed up. i don't want to blow dry or curl my hair, put on make up or wear anything other than my stretchy pants and a baggy tee. if only i could pull off that "i just woke up looking fabulous and messy" look. nope. not me folks. my sense of smell is like crazy sensitive. i hate it. it is super annoying. i can no longer eat anything with garlic or brussel sprouts. just typing it out just now makes me queasy. yuck.
i feel huge. i think i'm in that weird "i look and feel fat, but you can't tell i am pregnant yet" phase. i really hope i feel pretty again at some point. it's really lame feeling ugly all the time, even when i do muster up the energy to put on make up and do my hair. but i suppose this is all proof that a miracle is happening inside of me. that a little baby is in there growing and slowly taking up all the room. so i am okay with it. i will try my best to grin and bear it because i know that one day months from now i will wonder how it all happened so fast.

weeks 8-10:

the nausea, hightened sense of smell, constipation, cravings and gas are all still going strong.  luckily i have medicine so that helps a ton! still keeping it under wraps and it is getting harder. i feel like my belly is growing and looking more like i'm showing. we were going to wait until thanksgiving to tell everyone, but i think it will happen sooner. 

on october 28th, tyler and i went to my ultrasound appointment. we saw our baby! based on the first day of my last period i thought i was at 8 weeks and 4 days, but the ultrasound technician said that i am measuring at 9 weeks and 1 day. we saw the heart beating in our baby, the ultrasound tech said that it was strong, 160. she also said that since we've seen a heartbeat that the chance of miscarriage goes down to only 5%... we are both really excited. i couldn't stop smiling the entire time. now that we both realize that this is actually happening we are so happy and excited. i cant wait to see our baby again!

weeks 10-12:

well either i got the flu or i am just having awful morning sickness. i ran out of my nausea medicine for a few days and i threw up twice. it was bad. luckily the doctor was able to get me another prescription, but this new medicine makes me drowsy. after one day of taking it and being completely wiped i decided to cut each pill in half. that has been working really well. my nausea subsides and i can stay awake! yay! i hit 12 weeks on sunday november 17th. we can finally tell our families and friends! i cannot wait to be done with keeping this secret! guys, i am terrible at keeping secrets. like really terrible.